She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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