I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
