When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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