were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
