we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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