My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
