So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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