12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
