I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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