the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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