Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
handjob tips. give me some.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Randomize
