plz talk dirty to me
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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