I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
