why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
