Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
