Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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