Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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