My hand turned me down
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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