operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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