My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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