Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
