Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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