I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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