even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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