i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
