Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
