And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
