I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
