I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My vagina is very pro this idea
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
