i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
