i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
