I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
