After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
