very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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