what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
