they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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