Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
This is the high leading the old right now
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
