Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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