Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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