I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
