i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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