i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
