u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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