So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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