a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
