I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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