She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
