is wine microwaveable?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
