Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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