I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
