i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
