when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I wish you could order shots online.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
